Your thoughts will soon be wanderin'

Once again, I'm caught between the waking world and the world of Nod. Couple of updates. I have to plan a trip to IL in June, apparently there's a wedding or something. Bailey's planning on coming out here for a couple of days this weekend. Once again, I find myself in the heartbreak hotel.

I suppose I shouldn't be all that surprised that I'm back to being a single low-income under 25 male. It hit Sarah harder than it is hitting me, but I don't feel all sorts of happy about it. I'm keeping myself busy so I don't have to think too much, but she called me today. I think she was trying to mend fences, but she threw about six bags of salt into a re-opened wound.

She asked how I was doing to which I answered honestly, "I'm sitting in moldy water." After she asked me to explain why I would be doing that I told her that I was helping tear out and install dishwashers out at the farms. She asked if I had a minute to talk, which I did since we were cleaning up and just telling lies. She asked for my train of thought on the break up to which I answered, "I'm not." Since I'm really trying not to. She waited me out till I put in an on the fly two-cents saying, "As long as once of us is happy, I'm sure it's for the best." She didn't like that, said she was worried about me and how all of her friends are taking her out to Champaign this weekend to have a little shindig.

"Great," I said, "Bailey's planning on making trails out this way, and knowing the two of us we'll probably have a fair bit of shindigging too."

"Oh, I thought you have a tournament this weekend."

"I do, 6-9 on Sunday."

"Oh, ok. I meant to ask, whatever happened with Bailey's dad?"

"He died." Thinking that would stop that line of questioning. I was wrong.

"Really? That's why you went to Kankakee and never visited me?"

"Yes, plus you were in Minnesota. It's not like I went to have a good time. I went to support my friend and his family."

"Yeah, but how did it happen?"

"I hopped in my truck, drove down to 55, then hopped on 66 till I hit 17."

"Smartass. I meant his dad."

"I don't know all the details, all I know was that it happened quick and sudden."

"I guess it doesn't really matter that much."

"Um...Excuse me?"

"I don't know, it just doesn't really matter that much."

"Ok, one of the guys that I would do pretty much anything for loses his old man, and you say it doesn't really matter that much?! Are you kidding?! Let's not forget the fact that this is the third parent of guys I call brothers that I was able to be around for in three years. That matters a hell of a lot more than you think."

"Yeah, it must be soooo tough for you."

"You know what, I gotta go to work. Enjoy getting drunk."

I share that bit of dialog with my friend KT when she called me with her wedding date which got moved up to accommodate her brother being called up to active duty. She replied with, "She's not allowed at my wedding."


Maybe I'm feeling sentimental so I can't sleep. Maybe I'm kicking myself for not being closer with the people I care about before they aren't there so I can't sleep. Maybe I'm just a bleeding heart so I can't sleep.

I don't know.

It'll be good to see Bailey again under better circumstances. I'm very happy for KT and Phill, even if it does mean that I'm going to have to take time off of work. But maybe I can kill two birds with one stone when I'm in town. And the light is always on for me in the Heartbreak Hotel.

Buck.