And then his heart grew three sizes.

There is a poster. It isn't a fancy poster, nor is it a pretty poster. In fact it is a homemade poster made on the back of another poster. It is made with electrical tape and Sharpie's. The message of the poster is something that I never really comprehended until two days ago. The message is very simple. COACHING = TEACHING = PARENTING. I've never really felt like teachers lump themselves in as parents and coaches. I guess I never really thought of any of the three being the same as the others. But being around my team for 8 hours during the day then another 2 at practice gave me the opportunity to step out of the coaching shoes. Gave me a chance to get to know the girls more than just what they've shown and shared on the court. The Spiketacular tourney was a success by and large. Johnston teams played Johnston teams in the finals for the 15's, 17's, and 18's. The 16's lost in three for the consolation. I didn't really have to do a whole lot of work, I was basically the guy that updates the scores on the "Big Board" calculated point spreads for seeding. Make sure the scorers table has new score sheets, line-ups, libero tracking sheets. But the best part was I got to settle disputes! I got to to tell people to shut up. I HAD THE ULTIMATE POWER! It was pretty cool.

One of the Johnston teams was playing in an older girls age bracket. Because of this one of the weaker players didn't play in the first match. The girl didn't have a problem with it because she was tired, and the coach made some very good points and reasons for not playing her. After the match (which was won in 2 sets), the coach was at the scorers table where I was doing my thing with numbers and asked if she could talk to me for a minute. I finished up and met her out in the hallway where two parents started yelling at the coach and me. Right in front of their daughter and their daughters teammates that had just won a match. Amy was trying to calm them down because she is a very nice person. I on the other hand, don't enjoy being yelled at when I haven't done anything to deserve it. I might have snapped a little bit, "The three of you come with me. Now!" Walk away from the team, into a different hallway away from people where a battle royal would go unnoticed.

Once we get into the hallway I asked to be brought to speed and would do everything in my power (which was ultimate at the moment)to correct any wrongs. The mother starts bashing the coach for not putting her daughter in, how there is no reason to be spending all this money to have their daughter sit for a whole match, the coach must not understand her job, etc. I asked them to stay put for 2 minutes and took the coach aside. Explained that they're pissed and want to know why the daughter didn't play. I was told what I already knew that the girl is a very weak player, the coach is trying different line-ups seeing what fits best, and that she shouldn't have to tell the parents any of her process.

Time for Buck to do some Solomon stuff now.

Walk back with the coach to the parents. Mother opened her mouth to say something and all I did was say "Wait." I told her that I had heard both sides of the misunderstanding and was going to try to find a middle ground. But, the facts of the matter are pretty simple. First, the fee goes to practice time, not playing time. Coaches get final say on who plays and who doesn't because they are the ones that understand the game and the team compatibility the best. Second, in the contract that your daughter and YOU signed says that you will not confront a coach before 24 hours after an incident. If you had followed that rule of the contract you would probably have calmed down and seen your daughter play. You have a guarantee of 4 matches in pool play alone she'll play today. Third, don't do something like this in front of the girls, they pick up on your attitude and will probably start resenting your daughter, your daughter will be embarrassed, then she'll get mad at the other girls and the coach.... You're parents, I can't empathize, but I do sympathize with you wanting to see your daughter excel and play. Just don't confront the coach on the day of the tournament. Wait until Monday or Tuesday.

Now mother looks at father, he sighs and tries to persuade me to make the coach play their daughter. I laughed and flat out said, "You are nuts if you think I'm going to tell another coach how to do their job." If it was a safety issue, or negligence...that's different. But I don't know her team from Adam, how am I going to coach them? Father tried again with a threat of taking their daughter out of the program. I don't like threats. I asked if that would be the best thing for their daughter. Plus, there wouldn't be a refund. She could not playing in a match or not playing until the school season; which one sounds more appealing? I encouraged the parents to pull their daughter aside and ask her how she felt about the situation, then get back to me, not the coach. Mother leaves in a huff, Father rolls his eyes and follows. (I have come to understand why my parents hated when I rolled my eyes. Wanted to smack him till his eyes stopped rolling.)

The coach looked over at me and said, "It's the beard." Which threw me for a loop, I laughed and asked her to explain. She said people with beards are more intimidating and can influence others more readily than a 21 year old woman can. I laughed again and said, "Here I thought it was my mittens." (I was rocking the mittens that Kate made for me. The gym was freezing) She laughed and said thanks then walked off to join her team.

My question is, How do parents get so wrapped up in what their child is doing that they think it's ok to then embarrass that child in front of their peers and coach? I felt bad for the girl who broke down crying at her parents when I took them into the other hall.

For me coming from player to official to coach my view on things have changed. Used to be the refs were rats. Then it went to the coaches are rats. Now it's the parents being rats. Some of my players act more mature than their folks, which is really weird. Then again, most of the Dads have no idea what is going on. Mom isn't much better. Both have no clue what to shout as far as encouragement goes, so I had a parents meeting with them and taught them the basics, and some of the cues I say. I also gave all of the fathers stat sheets and scouting sheets. Taught them how to work the numbers and what to look for as far as scouting. That way they feel like they are helping the team and their daughter get better.

Stroke some egos, grease some hands. Coaching is hard.

Buck