Family

Last week my sister asked me to play a piece in her wedding.

I got to thinking recently about my family. Probably because school should be starting up, and normally this is the time of year that I would get to see them. However, now that I have a job, am 360-ish miles away from them, and am graduated, I don't think I'll see them before next month. This is a shame.

My family is something that I can not live without. At least easily. I understand that I have always said that a little goes a long way regarding my family. But you start to notice when you don't even get that little.

I love my family. I do. I wouldn't be who I am today without them. Without the guidance, the freedom, the understanding that they have provided me all my life. I realize that it would be rude of me to say to them, "Thanks for everything, now I'm leaving". But at the same time calling every week, hell even every month isn't something that I'm particularly good at. Nor do I enjoy scheduling a call to a family member. I don't think that we should have to do that. Ask Sarah how often I've called her. Don't really do that cause I'll get yelled at again. It isn't that I don't enjoy talking with them/you. It is more of...I don't usually have a whole lot to say. Sure, I can spin yarns, catch you up on my life, but I'd rather be hearing about what's going on with you. I realize that you feel the same way about it, well Dad does.

Sarah has been having some family issues back home in Minnesota, which adds some weight to the family train of thought. Her father is stepping down from being a pastor at two small congregations. Her mother started harping at her to come up for a retirement luncheon and dinner shin-dig. But in reality, Sarah couldn't get there. She wanted to be there, but she's getting her classroom set up, lesson plans written, figuring out what she's doing as a second grade Lutheran school teacher. With Derek as her principal. That's a lot on a person's plate.

I do feel a sense of family out here at the Farms, but it isn't the same. It is very much a co-worker family. The only things that we really talk about is Farms related and it drives me nuts. Most of the griping is deserved, but we've been hitting the horse since May. The horse has gone past not wanting to move, it has gotten to the point where it needs to be buried.

I'm both honored to be asked to play in my sister's wedding, and a bit nervous about it. I'm sure that I'll do fine, and whatever I play will sound great. But at the same time, I'd rather not play in it. I know that that statement seems off, it's my sister's wedding. I should be thrilled to play in it. I should...I don't know, dance a jig with joy for being asked to play. There are two reasons for my reluctance. First: What am I supposed to play? Second: I'd rather stand there looking pretty and being there for her than also being a musician.

Now the first thought that pops into my head is that what I just wrote is the most selfish thing I could have ever said/written/whatever. But the shame from putting that down in electronic writing doesn't make me not feel that way. (There were a lot of negatives in that sentence)

By the way suggestions as to what to play would be great. Big Sister gave me free reign with one limitation. No Meatloaf. Not much of a limitation, but there it is. I have no idea what to play. Most everyone is going to say sacred music. I agree, there should be some sacred music, but I don't know what other tunes she is planning. Brett doesn't care. I also don't really care, just because whatever it is, I'll play it. But some ideas would be nice.

I suppose that this is enough rambling about things.

I miss you folks.

Buck